It was the Governor wot lost it for Mitt, moans Murdoch

Matthew Norman on a Monday: The GOP blame game, Rupert's mental enfeeblement, Mad Mel's latest conspiracy and Yvette Cooper's wardrobe malfunction

Mitt Romney speaks as his wife Ann Romney (C) and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (L) look on during a campaign rally in Des Moines, Iowa, on December 30, 2001.

Unless the swing state polling is systemically flawed – a real, if slim, possibility – Barack Obama will be re-elected tomorrow, and with this prospect in mind the Republican blame machine revs up its engines.

Some lay down markers for rigged voting machines in Ohio and other electoral fraud, and some pre-emptively moan that it was Superstorm Sandy wot won it for the Marxist Manchurian from Mombassa, but no one was quicker out of the traps than Rupert Murdoch. For him, it wasn't over (if over it proves to have been) until the fat boy sang his aria of love for the Prez. "@Now Christie ... must re-declare for Romney," Rupert tweeted of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, (above left) "or take blame for next four dire years."

It's great that the old goat's confidence is so undimmed by his travails that he feels able to issue such edicts. Yet the fiercely abrasive Governor Arbuckle may, if Romney loses, publicly wonder whether the responsibility was Rupert's. It was Fox News that empowered the Tea Party, after all, and thus drove Romney so far rightward to secure the nomination that his dash back to the centre lacked the credibility to oust even so vulnerable an incumbent. All being well in Ohio tomorrow, this GOP blame game should be the most tremendous fun.

Tragedy nears its final act

Less amusing will be what a Romney loss tells us about Rupert's mental enfeeblement. Once so adept at reading Anglo-American electoral runes, this would be the first time in memory he personally backed a loser. The fin de siecle air of the senescent tyrant railing, like Lear, at the ingratitude would render it a heartrendingly Pyrrhic victory for anyone who rues the passing of his imperium.

Mel sounds the alarm for sane folk everywhere

Can you guess who has her knick-knacks in a frightful tangle about a conspiracy to deny Mittens the Oval Office? It's only Melanie Phillips! All would be well if only the lamestream media paid the story due attention, blogs Mad Mel, but only Fox adequately covers the claim (or "rumour", as Fox prefers it) that the White House callously left embassy staff to die in Benghazi by ignoring CIA pleas for help. "A sickening scandal and an electoral game changer," she concludes, "but only in any sane universe." Aha. Surely some production company has the nous to commission the six-parter TV series The Sane Universe of Mad Mel Phillips? I'd watch it, and you would too.

Getting short with Andrew Marr

Someone needs to have a quiet word with Yvette Cooper about her wardrobe. When Yvette graced Andrew Marr's BBC1 witterfest to talk about something or other, it was impossible to follow a word thanks to her exceedingly short skirt – a garment that made sense, on a freezing and very wet morning in Shepherd's Bush, only if she was going straight from the Bumgroper's studio to an am-dram rehearsal of the Basic Instinct police interview room scene. I'm all gung ho for politicians having a hinterland, and even gunger for the Ice Pixie sexing it up. But not on the Lord's own Sabbath, eh?

Why Mr Mensch was off message

The post-parliamentary life of Louise Mensch fulfills its rich potential as she becomes a substitute Katie Price. Substituting for the Pricey in the Sun on Sunday, Louise (whose loyalty to the Murdochs is paying such rich columnar dividends) swatted husband Peter for blurting that she only quit because she knew she'd lose her Corby seat at the next election. "There were some (shall we say) raised eyebrows at the Mensch breakfast table when I read my beloved husband's interview..." she writes. This is very worrying. Marriage is all about communication – so the next time she makes a life-changing decision, she must explain why, and not leave him guessing wildly in the dark.

Leveson's chance to hold forth

A brief update on David Lawley-Wakelin, the chap charged under the Public Order Act with causing alarm or distress by interrupting Mr Tony Blair's Leveson testimony with the accusation of war crimes. Since only one person present seemed vaguely alarmed, David is now thinking of summonsing Lord Leveson as a star (if hostile) witness. Whether or not his lordship would find a trip to Highgate Magistrates a refreshing busman's holiday, he is advised to make no other plans for Friday week.