The Third Leader: Come back

At this time of change, you will be wanting some reassurance that, somewhere at least, there will be no change. This is a promise to all of the people of Britain that the Third Leader is both proud and humble to give. Here we will continue to try our utmost to reach out beyond narrow concerns and provide balanced and pertinent comment on quite important matters that might otherwise escape notice. Our motto is taken from one of the Prime Minister's recent predecessors: It's A Funny Old World.

So, in pursuance of our campaign for continuity, our drive to encourage social mobility, and our firmly held belief that enthusiasm and energy can compensate for any shortfalls in the skills department, we are both proud and humble to welcome back the Spice Girls.

We look forward to similar announcements from the Tweets, Middle of the Road, Joe Dolce, the England World Cup Squad of 1970, the British Leyland Motor Corporation, and Freeman, Hardy and Willis. Some of us also still harbour the hope that Lembit won't distract Gabriela too much.

You, of course, may have your own hopes for other returns, some wistful, some possible. Sven (with Nancy, obviously). The Ashes. Crisp fivers. Summers like we used to have: last year, for example. Jelly and evaporated milk. Socialism. Dandelion and Burdock. Pokemon. Whistling. That bloke with the smile, the easy manner and slightly tetchy wife.

Excellent, though, that they have resisted the temptation to straighten the Leaning Tower of Pisa. And there's always old Tim, he never lets us down.

That is that. The End.