Sport: Quotes of the week

My golf has been a bit like my singing - a mixture of karaoke and rap. It's called crap.

Nick Faldo, before losing to Tiger Woods in the World Match Play Championship.

We're very disappointed. The dressing room is like a morgue.

Clive Woodward, England rugby union coach, admitting that England's Calcutta Cup victory against Scotland was not up to scatch.

There is no ideal candidate for the England job. He has not been born. He does not exist.

Derek Fazackerley, on joining Kevin Keegan's England managerial team.

Inter are close to a nervous breakdown.

Internazionale spokesman on the club's state of health.

My right ear is 14 times its normal size and I have got a hoofprint on my arm, but apart from that I'm fine.

Lorcan Wyer, jockey, after falling at Newcastle.

I was going at quite a high speed. The giraffe just crossed in front of me.

Carlos Sainz, of Spain, on the problems facing drivers in the Safari Rally in Kenya.