Chris Maume: Sport on TV

Revelations put brand loyalty to severe test

It's been a quiet week for Teddy Sheringham's girlfriend, Danielle Lloyd, in the "Celebrity" Big Brother house, but she made her presence felt in The Most Shocking Celebrity Moments of 2006 (Five, Tuesday).

She was in at No 19 with revelatory footage of last February's Miss Great Britain contest. She won the title, you'll doubtless recall, only to be stripped of it because she'd been dating Sheringham, one of the judges, for months before the competition (plus that little matter of the nude photoshoot in Playboy).

She denied everything (well, not the photo-shoot, obviously), but it's clear from their sheepish grins that they were intimately acquainted. Alarmingly for an aspiring poker pro, his expression gave everything away.

"Hello Danielle. Having a good time?" he asked her awkwardly. "You're making me blush," she replied even more awkwardly. If she could go out with a footballer who would it be, he wondered. "You of course," she told him. "Good answer," he said. "Was that the answer you were looking for?" the presenter asked. "Well, she's my winner, anyway," he simpered.

Bang to rights. Now she's being sued by the beauty contest people for £100,000 for devaluing their brand. Hubris, or what?

Apparently, England are being sued by the International Cricket Conference for devaluing their brand, too. Or if they're not, why not? That wasn't a question that was put to Michael Vaughan during the extraordinary on-pitch interviews during the tourists' Twenty20 mauling on Tuesday (Sky Sports 1), though it should have been.

The returning England captain dealt with the intrusions rather well, the Aussies even better, but I don't know what it adds to the game. I guess it's all about not taking the format remotely seriously.

It is also open to abuse: just as a wicked delivery from Brett Lee was coming over, the commentators could yell, "Leave it!" in the batsman's earpiece. In fact it's obvious that was what was happening, but why only to our boys?

Off the field, the highlight was the kid with the placard that read, "The person behind me can't see". It was like the Private Eye photo of the notice in the middle of a field which read, "Do not throw stones at this notice."

One question about the Aussies: why was Andrew Symonds wearing white sunblock on his lips - for a night match? And is he aware that the crowd keeps expecting him to break out into a chorus of "Mammy"?

As Andrew Flintoff came in they were playing "Help!" A few seconds later he was on his way back to the pavilion, for a duck. They should have played "Nowhere Man".

And finally ... during Sky Sports News' report on the Beckham story on Thursday, an all-American mom was shown a picture of him and the missus. Did she know them?

"That's Posh," she said, "and I know that she's dating him, but I couldn't pick him out of a crowd. He's kinda cute, though."

It's like the Pilgrim Fathers all over again.