Smudger Smith: Cheerio, then, lad – it's been simply pants

The Journeyman Pro

In a professional career spanning almost two decades, Simon "Smudger" Smith has played for over 67 clubs and has reinvented himself time and again, from poacher to goalkeeper.

I never really thought David Beckham was the retiring type when I saw him standing around in his pants on massive billboards but apparently he’s packing it in.

I’ll never forget when I introduced a certain Man United midfielder to a certain Spice Girl. It was Scholesy and Mel C. Obviously they bonded due to their mutual love of sport but unfortunately it didn’t work out. Apparently, the shy lad just couldn’t get on with her friends.

Speaking of Scholes, all credit to the United fans for the standing ovation his substitution got last weekend. It was a pleasure to see a manager get so much credit for a shrewd change. Sometimes a player is just having a bad day at the office, be it his debut or final ever home match.

If ever a match was Wigan’s cup final, it was surely the clash with Arsenal last Tuesday night. Sadly, they lost and went down but they can take some consolation from winning the other cup final three days earlier. I’ll never forget my own perfect Wembley day. It really was an incredible display from Simply Red. Roberto Mancini will be disappointed to have lost both the game and his job but he can leave Manchester with his head held high – I’m told that scarf provides excellent neck support.

Poor old Benfica. Not only did they blow the league 2-1 in the 92nd minute, they did the same in the Europa League final. They missed so many chances and, listening to the commentary, it did make me think it’s surely advisable to wear your shooting boots every game as a professional footballer. Ivanovic had the good sense to pack his heading head at least and nodded home the winner. Congratulations to Chelsea and Luis Suarez – I gather he made a killing after putting a chunk of the defender’s arm on eBay soon after the match.

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