Labour chief whip gets a battering from 'awkward' MP

* Nothing quite so illustrates the state of today's Labour Party as chief whip Hilary Armstrong's increasingly futile attempts to rein in the outspoken Medway MP, Bob Marshall-Andrews.

* Nothing quite so illustrates the state of today's Labour Party as chief whip Hilary Armstrong's increasingly futile attempts to rein in the outspoken Medway MP, Bob Marshall-Andrews.

Before Christmas, Marshall-Andrews - a leading member of old Labour's "awkward squad" of MPs - went on the Today programme to accuse David Blunkett of being "seriously unbalanced"

Shocked by this, Armstrong summoned him for a meeting. But BMA refused to attend, saying in a letter that it's his duty to speak out if he believes a minister is damaging public office.

That wasn't good enough for Armstrong, who continued to pester Marshall-Andrews to present himself for a ticking-off. Eventually, a few days ago, he relented - with disastrous consequences.

"Bob listened calmly for 15 minutes," says a friend. "But then, in a final encouragement to toe the party line, Armstrong said: 'Remember, Bob, we have to fight an election together, and you'll want ministers to come down to help you'."

The veteran Marshall-Andrews has a majority of 3,600, and doesn't take kindly to being patronised.

"You are not to send any ministers to help me out," he replied. "I absolutely refuse. Let's get this straight - none of your ministers are setting foot in my constituency."

With that, he stormed out. Pressingly, Labour's high command is now more anxious than ever to deselect him before polling day.

* NAOMI CAMPBELL wouldn't be Naomi Campbell if she didn't put a few noses out of joint every time she took to the catwalk.

On Monday, the cantankerous supermodel was booked to be the star turn at Gharani Strok's show at Moët London Fashion Week. True to form, she showed up an hour late, leaving dozens of VIP guests twiddling their thumbs.

"I think Naomi probably woke up and decided she wasn't in the mood to do it," said the label's co-designer, Nargess Gharani.

"By the time her agent had talked her into coming, everyone had been waiting for her for ages. We were almost on the point of going ahead without her. I was thinking to myself that she just wasn't worth the hassle."

Fortunately, I gather that the tardy Miss Campbell was "very apologetic indeed" when she did eventually arrive.

* PETER ACKROYD has apologised for his "extraordinary" drunken brawl at the premiere of the play Spread on Sunday.

As Pandora revealed yesterday, Ackroyd became involved in a furious row, after heckling actors during the performance and spilling a bottle of wine across the stage. His companion Nick Roberts was head-butted by one of the actors, Alexander Warner.

Discussing the clashes, the play's director, Mike Miller, told last night's Evening Standard : "Mr Ackroyd had vomit on his face and wine all over him. It was appalling. He has subsequently apologised and asked if he can rectify the situation. I'm not sure, though, how he can."

A full eyewitness account of the literary punch-up has now been published on the internet site, www.fringereport.com.

* YET MORE infighting at the top of the Tory party. David Davis is said to be furious that the party co-chairman, Liam Fox, held a press conference on immigration at Conservative HQ on Monday.

"Normally, David, as shadow Home Secretary, would have performed this task, but Fox decided to muscle in," reports an ally. "David's absolutely fuming; he feels sidelined."

Plenty more bad blood here: Davis and Fox are considered to be the two leading right-wing candidates for the Tory leadership, should Howard resign after losing the forthcoming election.

* Handbags at dawn! There is a delightfully petty row between the celebrity hatter, Philip Treacy, and Isabella Blow, Tatler magazine's influential fashion director.

According to friends, the couple fell out before Christmas after Blow arrived late for the funeral of Mr Pig, Treacy's beloved Jack Russell terrier, who died at the age of 12.

"Isabella interrupted the funeral by showing up late," I'm told. "Philip was having a very emotional day, and the whole thing made him terribly upset. They were on no speakers for a while."

Thankfully, the two big beasts of British fashion have now kissed and made up. "Isabella did slip in half way through the funeral," admitted Treacy's spokesman yesterday. "But they've spent a huge amount of time together since then and are now the best of friends again."

pandora@independent.co.uk www.independent.co.uk/pandora