City dinosaurs shell out for a sad, staid rock-fest

City Diary

The world of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll will collide on Saturday with that of JP Morgan, BZW and Deutsche Morgan Grenfell, at the Masters of Music concert in Hyde Park.

Those well-known merchant bankers Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan and Pete Townshend of The Who (pictured right) will be headlining the nine-hour festival in front of 150,000 fans, each of whom will pay pounds 8 for the privilege. There's no hippy nonsense about free festivals here, sadly, no drugged, naked bodies frolicking in the mud a la Woodstock. Far from it.

The three aforementioned investment banks are paying a minimum of pounds 200 per ticket to take assorted guests along for some corporate hospitality. This will include lunch at the Dorchester, champagne and canapes at the "gig", and dinner at Nico's or some similar swish establishment. Not a spliff in sight.

We all know the Jurassic generation of rock stars have "cleaned up their act" these days, but does this rock-fest have to be quite so staid? All together now; "Hope I die before I get old ..."

Sir Ian MacLaurin, chairman of Tesco, adds another feather to his cap. Not only has Tesco edged ahead of Sainsbury as Britain's biggest food retailer, but now Sir Ian's stores are also the favourite place to buy wine.

According to business magazine Checkout, Tesco had a 39 per cent share of the plonk market over the last quarter, shading Sainsbury by 2 per cent. Between them the two giants sell four out of five bottles of wine bought for drinking at home.

There is one worrying aspect, however. The survey found that "convenience, price and range far outweigh factors such as friendly staff and information on wine" when customers decide where to buy. Let's hope Asda (19 per cent) and Safeway (18 per cent) don't take the message to heart and instruct their staff to tell wine buyers to "get knotted".

If Sir Ian or anyone else wants to hire Skinner and Baddiel, fantasy footballers and word-smiths of the current England footy anthem, think twice. James Herring, the duo's agent, was recently asked by a PR hackette how much it would cost to hire them. Mr Herring replied: "If you can afford anything north of pounds 30,000, love, you're in business."

Nursing your hangover, dear reader, take pity on poor Ray Nethercott, fanatical Liverpool supporter and md of Allied Carpets.

The company not only announced its float yesterday, mere hours before England's date with destiny. Mr Nethercott also arranged a presentation to fund managers Fidelity at 6.30pm - half an hour before kick-off. The briefing could not be postponed as it was being beamed to the US, where "soccer" is seen as an effete non-sport for foreigners.

Mr Nethercott said yesterday lunchtime : "I think if I race through the presentation at 200 miles an hour I may just get it finished." Fingers crossed that he made it.

Is there anyone you have met in the media and advertising world during your career who you really hate, loathe and despise? Now's your chance to get your own back - or so it would appear. A bizarre ad in Private Eye this week is headed: "Spirit of Machiavelli alive and well in advertising world?" It goes on: "Serious author proposes to chronicle the most dire examples in agency/media world of back stabbing, stitching-up, brown-nosing, sexual harassment ... scheming and downright malice .... If indeed any of the above still exist in the caring, sharing Nineties."

The author then provides a fax number for suggestions.

But hang on. Could the ad be a trap placed by a coalition of the nastier people in advertising who want to find out who their true enemies are - and then crush them? I think we should be told.