Pop: Lyric Sheets

Steady decline in Tory Party membership now means that, with only 3,000 members, the Young Conservatives have become more `underground' than many of London's famous dance clubs.

Membership Drive

More exclusive now

Than the Ministry of Sound

The danse macabre drags itself

Slowly round and round

Till driven underground

With Elgar, the steam trains

The stirrup-cup and horn

The gin on the veranda

And tennis on the lawn

They trundle on till dawn

In faux Edwardiana

A bobby's friendly clout

The rapping and the scratching

And panic-driven shout

Of children in a coal cupboard

Begging to get out.

As doughty English nannies

On bicycles in mist

Meet the autumn morning

With a slap upon the wrist

For Hague the alchemist

Jerusalem clears dance floors

The DJ pops a tranq.

Each picture sells a tory

In office, church and bank

But membership's declining

And all the cards stay blank.