Woman defends skipping friend’s bridal shower after she was kicked out of wedding

‘If you aren’t invited to the wedding, you have no business being invited to the shower’

A woman has defended her decision to skip her friend’s bridal shower, after she was kicked out of the wedding party.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, one Reddit user – who goes by the name u/my-hero-macadamia, asked if it would be wrong of her to skip the bridal shower. She specified that the question came not only after was asked not to be a bridesmaid, but also because she was uninvited from the wedding. However, according to the Reddit user, the bride “still wants to be friends”.

She went on to give some context about the situation, noting that she was initially asked to be a bridesmaid over the summer, and she was “ecstatic”. She then shared that she was previously in a five-year relationship with one of the groomsmen, who was also officiating the wedding. The Reddit user also gave more details about the romance, noting that she and her ex ended amicably, as they were “struggling with long distance and simply growing apart”.

“He and I had never, ever fought (like really fought) throughout the entire relationship and breakup. We see each other quite often because we share the same friends and a dog that we both love and agreed to co-parent,” she wrote. “When we see each other, we simply catch up like friends and it’s never been an issue.”

However, she expressed that things recently changed when they got into a private argument about a lot of “pent-up feelings” he had regarding their relationship. She acknowledged that while they later made up, they still talked to their friends about the argument as it was happening.

She went on the claim that the bride has “understandably been having a lot of anxiety about” the former couple and was concerned that something could come up between them. She added that while she hasn’t talked to her bride about the issues, she’s tried to, with the help of her other friends.

“I tried talking to her while the fight was going on but was pretty much met with silence,” she added. “My other girlfriends were very supportive and gave me advice, despite their [significant others] also being friends with my ex. It was a tricky situation because we are all friends, but I wasn’t asking anyone to take sides, just really needed a friend at that moment and didn’t get that from her.”

She then expressed that while the bride never talked to her about her and her ex, things then took a turn. “She’s nixed me from the bridal party and disinvited me from the wedding altogether,” the Reddit user continued. “And ended it with ‘I love you, you’re one of my closest friends, I just have to think about me and my wedding right now.’”

The woman added that while she’s trying to be sympathetic to her friend’s feelings amid the wedding planning, she still felt “hurt” by how the situation was handled.

“I’m trying to be understanding that she has a wedding brain, she has anxiety, and she has every right to be stressed about me and ex together but I can’t help feeling so hurt that she doesn’t trust me as a friend to be 100 per cent there for her on her wedding day,” she wrote.

She then specified that she’s not only considering missing the friend’s bridal shower, but she also doesn’t want to spend money on a gift after what happened.

WIBTA if I don’t attend my friend’s bridal shower after she outed me as a bridesmaid and disinvited me from her wedding (but still wants to be friends)?
byu/my-hero-macadamia inAmItheAsshole

“Especially when I feel like I’ve already put a lot into this friendship that I’m not getting back out,” she added, before sharing that she just looked after the bride’s “obnoxious German shepherd” – who allegedly scratched the Reddier user – for two weeks without being paid to do so.

The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, as it has more than 1,600 upvotes. In the comments, many people supported the woman’s thought about skipping the bridal shower, while criticising the bride for kicking her out of the wedding party. Other people gave the Reddit poster advice on how to move forward with her and the bride’s friendship.

“This is a wild situation and it seems like the only one not handling it like an adult is the bride. Also, why are you the only one being asked to back out? Two people are required for a relationship to succeed or fail (or exist at all),” one wrote.

“If you aren’t invited to the wedding, you have no business being invited to the shower or bachelorette. That is what you would call a ‘gift grab’ by the bride. And being a rude person,” another claimed.

“I would take some space from the bride and cool the friendship,” a third added. “She didn’t even talk to you and just dropped you and uninvited you from the wedding. She clearly chose a side and that of your ex. I would do them no favours and do low key low contact for a while.”