TECHNOFILE: YOUR OWN PERSONAL JESUS

"Thanks to advances in science we can take DNA samples from the shroud and use them to clone the second coming! This is fantastic, but to stop here would be blasphemy," say Christians for the Cloning of Jesus, undeterred by laboratory results indicating that the Holy Shroud of Turin was made in medieval times. "Friends, we should clone a Jesus for anyone who wants one. Why, any woman that wanted to could immaculately conceive Jesus. No more communicating with God through your pastor or priest. If you have a question for God you could just call home and ask him.

"Just imagine a world with a Jesus in every household - I urge you to tell your friends and your neighbors about Jesus. No need to be greedy, they can have one too."