The question on everyone’s lips: which Tory leader hopeful is which US Democratic candidate?

There are more similarities than you’d imagine...

America. Britain can’t seem to get enough. We’ve imported foreign policy, NFL games, Hamilton and fast-food induced obesity. And now we’re importing a bloated field of candidates seeking to lead the country. Fortunately, we’ve kept our British way of understating things: where America has 24 candidates seeking the Democratic nomination for president; Britain only has 13 MPs pursuing Tory party leadership and the office of prime minister.

What’s less well known is that many Tory candidates have direct equivalents in the Democratic primary, which means they’re also getting nicknames from President Trump. Take a look:

Sajid Javid: candidate most likely to deny non-white heritage despite prior claims to the contrary.

• Democrat equivalent: Elizabeth Warren
• Nickname from Trump: Sadiq Khan/Pakistani Pocahontas
• Likely quote during a TV debate: “Why are you laughing at me when I say I’m brown?”

Andrea Leadsom: pointless candidacy that has no chance of getting leadership position but does boost likelihood of getting a book deal.

• Democrat equivalent: Kirsten Gillibrand
• Nickname from Trump: Definitely Not A Ten
• Likely quote during a TV debate: “What do you mean that I’ve only ever held politically expedient positions?”

Jeremy Hunt: tall, white male from a major city who talks a big game but rarely gets anything done.

• Democrat equivalent: Bill de Blasio
• Nickname from Trump: NHS Destroyer King
• Likely quote during a TV debate: “I have very sound foreign policy positions as I married someone from a different race, my home is like a mini-United Nations”

Sam Gyimah: elite educated candidate most likely to face questions on whether he’s helping to fill the diversity quota.

• Democrat equivalent: Pete Buttigieg
• Nickname from Trump: Missing Birth Certificate
• Likely quote during a TV debate: “My party doesn’t have a diversity quota”

Sadly not all Tory party leadership candidates have Democratic equivalents. Due to ideological differences between British Conservatives and American Democrats, sometimes it’s a lot easier to draw parallels between Tories and Republicans:

Michael Gove: candidate that most delicately balances neoconservatism and Trumpism; candidate most likely to snort cocaine off a picture of Maggie Thatcher.

• American Equivalent: “Cocaine” Mitch McConnell
• Nickname from Trump: Mr Bean
• Likely quote during a TV debate: “I’m very pro-environment: I believe sustainably sourced coca leaves are essential for the ethical production of natural substances”

Boris Johnson: Born into wealth in New York City and known for ignorance, a bloated physique, a cartoonish haircut, extra-marital affairs, populist politics, loathing Hillary Clinton and may have a secret crush on Ivanka Trump.

• American equivalent: Donald Trump
• Nickname from Trump: Beautiful Boris
• Likely quotes during a TV debate:  “If you say ‘Radical Islamic Terror’ out loud the problem disappears”; “Africa is a very special country”; “Barack Obama is from Kenya”; “Moeen Ali has an upside down head”

Beyond similarities between candidates, the UK and US also share the fact that the political class has no idea how to navigate the populist epoch and deliver equality and sensible economic measures. As a British-American, I can’t decide which country embarrasses me more. In the words of the world’s most famous populist/politician: Sad!