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Mark Steel

Mark Steel is a stand-up comedian, radio presenter and Independent columnist. He enjoys writing his column because no one ever takes it literally.

30 ventilators is en route to 30,000 – the Co-op's en route to Kenya

It’s actually quite thoughtful of the government to have only 30 out of the required 30,000; it makes the calculations easy. This way, hospitals staff can tell patients: ‘You’ll need to share one between each thousand’

At least Johnson is a laugh – pragmatism would’ve been so boring

Each evening, he comes on television and says a random series of words, giving us the fun of putting them in the right order so we know what we’re supposed to do

The young royals are stepping back so Meghan can run for Labour leader

The rule appears to be that it’s treason to criticise the royal family, until there’s a member of the royal family the establishment don’t approve of, then it’s treason not to call them vermin

Labour doesn’t need a ‘likeable’ leader – it needs a competent one

There should also be a discussion about how to counter the relentless hostility that will be fired at whoever becomes leader, from the Conservative press