Christmas Day TV 2015: What films and shows are on the box?
There's a staggering amount of re-runs this year, but a few gems among them
Buckle up, it's time for the annual game of 'Is there anything on TV or should we watch a film/get out a board game?'
Here's a chronological breakdown of what to expect:
ITV1 gets off to a bleak start with a re-run of The Jeremy Kyle Show. If your kids are pestering you to get up so they can open presents, this should prove sobering enough to get them back to sleep.
ITV1 kicks off festivities with celebrity-voiced animation Olive, the Other Reindeer while BBC Two quite randomly screens The Road to El Dorardo.
Sky Atlantic mercifully commences a Seinfeld marathon, while E4 starts back-to-back episodes of the televisual wallpaper that is Rude(ish) Tube.
BBC Two wisely pipes in Sir David Attenborough's soothing tones with Galapagos - Islands of Change: Natural World, though it's about how natural habitats are being ruined by migration and tourism, so maybe not the cheeriest viewing.
ITV2 opts for Elf: Buddy's Musical Christmas, a stop-motion animation based on that Will Ferrell film Elf that's fast becoming a Christmas classic. Includes the voices of Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory's Sheldon) and Mark Hamill (Star Wars).
Drowning in Carry On Cruising, Herbie Rides Again and You've Been Framed repeats. Avoid.
The pious can enjoy Christmas Day Service Live from Bath Abbey on BBC One.
The Christmas movies start proper, though with the fairly uninspiring The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause and Santa Claus: The Movie.
Channel 4 reminds you that life is short and unfair with annually soul-shattering animation The Snowman.
Most channels are midway through movies (Happy Feet, Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted). The surrealist will tune into Pick for Riverdance in Beijing.
Premiere of Tim Burton's Frankenweenie on Two. The Muppet Christmas Carol on 4. One gives over to Slade et al with Top of the Pops Christmas.
BBC One premieres Pixar's Brave.
Revel in the bucolic scenes of swans migrating with Countrywise Winter Wonderland. Or Channel 4 has E.T: The Extra Terrestrial.
BBC One has Baz Luhrmann's Romeo & Juliet! Worth it just for that Des'ree song.
The BBC has a Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special 2015 for those still watching the floundering contest. ITV2 cashes in on the year's Jurassic World buzz with The Lost World: Jurassic Park. ITV1 wins with Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
A pretty uninspiring selction of soaps and Dad's Army episodes. BBC Three is your best bet - showing Toy Story.
Gogglesprogs starts on 4. Basically Gogglebox but with kids. Because you won't have heard enough out of them already that day or anything.
Downton Abbey finally gives up the ghost with its finale episode. ITV2 goes for Bond, but weirdly one of the worst ones - Quantum of Solace.
Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas Special. Despair.
Michael McIntyre's Big Christmas Show fights ITV's Our Cilla. ITV2 shows The Bourne Supremacy for one must be the 8,000th time.
The Big Lebowski is on ITV4. Done.
As if sensing the Christmas fatigue you'll be experiencing by this point, BBC One runs the film Surviving Christmas, but you'll want to switch over to for 4 for Ferris Bueller's Day Off.